| Understanding the Illusion of Control Control is something many of us crave. We strive to anticipate, plan, and perfect every detail, convincing ourselves that by doing so, we can prevent anything unfavorable from happening. But here’s the reality: control is often just fear in disguise. We use it to outrun uncertainties and sidestep discomfort. Yet, no matter how meticulously we plan, life has a way of throwing unexpected variables our way—relationships might end, jobs once deemed secure might vanish, or a health crisis might arise. Remember 2020 and the COVID pandemic? It taught us a crucial lesson: we were never truly in control. Letting Go of Control: Why It’s Essential The problem with control arises when we attach our sense of safety, identity, or peace to our plans. This transforms control into a fear-based mechanism designed to avoid pain or disappointment. Real psychological safety, however, isn’t about controlling everything; it’s about cultivating an environment where we feel safe to take risks, make mistakes, and be our authentic selves. For those of us who grew up in environments lacking psychological safety, control became our defense mechanism. It was our way of staying safe, avoiding judgment, or trying to prevent chaos. Control doesn’t create safety, it only breeds tension. Embracing Your Superpower: Choice and Response Real control lies in our power to choose how we respond to life’s circumstances. While we can’t control external events, we can always control our reactions and decisions. This shift from reaction to response is our superpower. So, how do we make this shift? Here are a few steps: *Check-in with Your Fear: When you feel the urge to control, pause and ask yourself what you’re truly afraid of. Naming your fear diminishes its power. *Loosen Your Grip: Allow one small thing this week to unfold naturally. Whether it’s an event or conversation, resist the urge to micromanage and see what happens. *Shift from Reaction to Response: When faced with the unexpected, take a deep breath, assess the situation, and choose your response. This simple pause can transform tension into empowerment. Trust in Your Resilience: Reflect on past experiences where you’ve successfully handled challenges. You’ve been resilient before, and you can be resilient again. Reflection Questions To help you on this journey, I’ve crafted two reflection questions. Take some time to ponder or journal about them: 1. Where in your life are you holding on to control the tightest, and what fear might be underneath it? 2. How would your life feel different if you shifted from control to trust? Life isn’t about controlling every outcome but rather about responding, learning, and growing through each experience. By embracing this perspective, we open ourselves to a life aligned with who we truly are, creating space for our “something better.” Thank you for sharing this space with me. If this resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with others who might benefit from these insights. And remember, life is about growth and transformation. Join us in our Facebook community, “This Life or Something Better,” where we continue these conversations and support one another in our journeys. See you there! Listen to the full podcast episode, The Illusion of Control, at This Life or Something Better on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. |
