What Would You Thank Your Past Self For?
When I was 48, I used to stand outside a building I was thinking about leasing. I’d go over there just to match my vibration to it and get a feel for being there. I’d already outgrown my 250-square-foot space. This one was 1,500 square feet, and the rent would be more than three times what I was paying. I kept wondering, “What am I supposed to do with 1,500 square feet?” I had an even bigger question. How was I going to pay for it?
I signed the lease. What I could see then was that I needed more room. What became clear later was who needed that room. My first space had given me a place to grow. The second gave my students a place to grow and be supported in their own growth.
When I think about what I’d thank my 48-year-old self for, I think about what it took to sign that lease. I’d carried worries about money since childhood. I was making a decision that brought those worries right up in front of me. I remember telling my team upstairs that I’d show up every day and do the work, and they could make sure the rent got paid. I was that determined to live my purpose, and I trusted the money would come as I did my part.
I’d thank her for being willing to face those old fears. Over the years in that space, I began to heal some of those money wounds and see what I was capable of earning and building.
Giving Yourself Credit for How Far You’ve Come
I can see a little of that same courage in my 29-year-old self. After a difficult stretch at work, I packed up my life in Connecticut and moved to Tennessee with my boyfriend. We had a place to stay with his parents for a while. I had no job lined up and no idea how I was going to pay my bills. I was leaving my family, my friends, and the place I’d known for 29 years.
Just after I turned 30, I had the chance to become a partner in a health club. I got to try ideas I was excited about, make good friends, and build relationships in a small town where I was an outsider. I still use some of the skills I developed there.
I’d thank my 29-year-old self for being brave enough to pack up and go. I’d also thank her for being creative once she got there. She had to figure out how to make a place for herself in that town, and she did.
It’s easy for me to tell those stories now. I know how they turned out. But neither woman had that information when she was making her decision. I have to remember that when I look back at other choices, especially the ones I wish I’d made differently. It’s easy to ask, “Why didn’t I see that sooner?” A more honest question might be, “What could I see at the time?”
What If You Don’t Know How to Give Yourself Credit?
In my Spiritual Counseling sessions, I often ask clients, “What can you give yourself credit for?”, there’s usually a long pause. Then I’ll hear, “I don’t know how.” Sometimes she’s used to waiting for someone else to acknowledge what she’s done, and when they do, she has a hard time taking it in. Other times she’ll brush it off herself. “Oh, it was nothing. I’ve done harder things.” When something feels like just what you do, it can be hard to find the words to give yourself credit for it.
I’ll say, “Well, I’m going to give you credit. I can see what you went through and what it took to get here. Can you give yourself credit for sitting here with me today because you want something to get better?”
That’s a place to start. If you wish you’d asked for help sooner, try saying, “I give myself credit for asking for help when I did.” Think about what you’d acknowledge in someone else who had lived through the same thing. Then see if you can say those words to yourself.
Write a Thank-You Letter to Your Past Self
Think of one age or one period of your life. Maybe you’ve been looking back on it lately and noticing all the things you would do differently now. Picture yourself in the middle of it. What were you trying to figure out? What did you have to work with? What did you do that you rarely give yourself credit for?
Start the letter with your name or your age. I might write, “Dear 29-year-old Priscilla.” Then finish these two sentences in your own words:
- I would like to thank you for…
- I am proud of you for…
Be specific. I could say, “Thank you for being brave.” I’d want to add, “Thank you for packing up and moving even though you had no idea how you were going to earn a living. I still use what you learned when you had to get creative in a town where you were new.”
Give yourself time with the letter. One honest sentence about something you did may tell you more than a page of general praise. And the next time you’re facing a choice you can’t see the outcome of, remember what that earlier version of you already learned to do.
I share this letter practice in What Would Your Life Review Show You Today?, an episode of This Life or Something Better. If you’d like to take the reflection further, listen to the episode and explore the life review exercise I share to help you see what’s supporting the life you want and what you’re ready to adjust.
Listen to the episode on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or Amazon Music.