How Present Are You in Your Own Life?

A few years ago, I was in a Conscious Leadership program during a week when I was trying to do everything at once. At the beginning of the day, they asked us, “How do you intend to be?” The word that came to me was empty.

We went into breakout rooms to share our words, and my partner looked surprised when she heard mine. I understood why. I had to sit with it a little myself. What I wanted was some room. I was so full of things to do that I had very little space to notice what else might be possible. Once I got clear on that, my week calmed down. I started taking things one project at a time.

I still think about that word when I get a little time to myself. How quickly do I fill it back up? If you’ve ever blocked off time for yourself and ended up using it to get ahead on work, that’s a good place to start noticing how present you are in your own life.

What happens when you get time to yourself?

I work with women who are good at what they do. They know how to make time for a project, meet a deadline, and keep things moving. That effort is appreciated at work, and it often comes with a paycheck. By the time they have an opening in their own day, though, they’re tired. Some use that time to catch up on something else. Others are too depleted to do much and end up disappointed in themselves for how they spent it.

In a Spiritual Counseling session, When a client tells me she filled the time she’d set aside for herself with something productive, I ask her how it felt. Did she enjoy what she chose to do? Was there a big sigh because she could finally cross something off her list? I’m interested in what that sigh means to her. There can be real relief in getting something done. That same woman may still be wondering when she gets to do something she enjoys.

I catch myself doing this, too. I’ll have time to read a book and pick one that will help me in my business. I can make a very good case for it. It’s for me because I am my business. And sometimes I genuinely want to read that book. The question I ask myself is whether I’d choose it if it had nothing to do with work. Some days, I’d rather read something that makes me laugh.

What does being present actually look like?

Being present is paying attention to what’s happening around you and what’s happening in you at the same time. I can sit outside for ten minutes and spend all ten mentally back at my desk. The moment I notice where my mind has gone, I have a chance to come back and experience the break I gave myself.

It can look like leaving your phone in your pocket long enough to notice where you are.
It can feel like your shoulders dropping as you sit down. You may also feel restless and want to get up. You can notice that, too.
It can sound like hearing the wind outside and catching the thought, “I should be answering that email.” You can hear that thought and still choose to stay where you are.

A ten-minute plan for being more present

When I owned a health club in Tennessee, my staff knew that one to three was “Priscilla time.” I was out of the building. I might have lunch or go for a walk. I still work a split day when I can, and I still leave the office during that break. Changing where I am helps me change what I’m paying attention to.

Put ten minutes on your calendar

Choose a time you can realistically keep and treat it as a commitment to yourself. You already know how to set aside time for something that matters at work. Give these ten minutes the same place in your day. If you catch yourself thinking you’ll take the break once everything is done, notice how often that time actually comes.

Go somewhere else

If you’ve been at your desk all morning, step outside. If you’ve been working through your list at home, sit on the front step for a few minutes. I call this a pattern interrupt. Even moving to a different chair can help if stepping outside isn’t practical. The change gives you a chance to catch the urge to keep doing what you were doing.

Pause, breathe, notice, and choose

Once you’re there, take a breath and feel where your feet are. Notice one sound around you and what’s happening in your body. If your mind goes back to the email you owe somebody, hear the thought and bring your attention back to where you are.

Then ask yourself, “What would I enjoy right now?” You might want to walk to the end of the block or sit right where you are. Choose how you want to spend the rest of the break. When the ten minutes are up, ask yourself how it felt. That’s the same question I’d ask if you spent those minutes getting something done. Over time, your answers can help you see what you’ve been missing and what you want more of in your day.

When does the happy start?

A lot of us learned a particular order. We do the work, we have what we want, and then we get to be happy. You can follow that order for years and still find yourself asking, “When does the happy start?”

I like to put being first. How do I want to be for this next part of my day? In that leadership program, I wanted to be empty. I wanted enough room to take on one project at a time and see what came up along the way. Once I knew that, I had a clearer sense of what to do.

So how present are you in your own life? One place to look is what happens when you get a little time that belongs to you. Try those ten minutes and see what you notice. You may find out that you miss something you used to enjoy. You may simply find out that it feels good to sit outside for a few minutes. That’s something you get to know about yourself today.

I talk more about practicing presence in the ordinary parts of your day in What Changes When You’re More Present?, an episode of This Life or Something Better.