How Do I Stop Making Excuses and Start Getting Results?
You can have excuses, or you can have results, but you can’t have both at the same time.
That may sound direct, but it is not meant to be harsh. It is meant to be honest.
Most people do not make excuses because they are lazy. They make excuses because something inside of them is overwhelmed, stressed, scared, or trying to stay safe. The excuse becomes a way to create temporary relief from the pressure of the situation.
Here is what I know from working with clients for many years as a Spiritual Counselor, Medium, Medical Intuitive, Energy Healer, and Coach: excuses are rarely the real problem.
Excuses are the clue.
They show us where the real issue is living.
When someone says they want to stop making excuses, I do not start by telling them what to do. I start by helping them notice what is happening underneath the excuse. What is the body doing? What is the mind repeating? What pattern is showing up again? What old identity is still trying to run the show?
Because you cannot create real results by fighting the excuse. You create results by understanding what the excuse is protecting.
Excuses Often Show Up in the Body First
When a client comes to me stuck in excuses, I usually notice their body before I notice their words.
The shoulders may be up. The body may be hunched forward, almost as if it is in protection mode. Eye contact may come and go. Their energy feels like it is carrying the weight of the story before they even say the story out loud.
Then the words come.
They may say they are overwhelmed, stressed, and do not know how to fix what is happening. They may say the same thing in several different ways, hoping one version of the story will finally bring relief.
Many times, they want me to tell them what to do.
That makes sense. When you are overwhelmed, you want relief. You want someone else to have the answer. You want a clear path out of the emotional pressure you are feeling.
But my words do not have more meaning than what they are already feeling.
Their body is already speaking. Their emotions are already giving information. Their repeated excuse is already pointing to something that needs attention.
My role is not to take their power away by telling them what to do. My role is to help them see what is happening, feel safe enough to tell the truth, and choose a grounded action step from where they are today.
The Excuse Is Not the Problem
We tend to look at excuses as the problem.
I see them differently.
The excuse is often the solution the person has been using to get temporary relief.
It distracts them from the stress of the situation. It gives the mind somewhere to go. It gives the nervous system a small break from the pressure.
The problem is that the relief does not last.
The more a person repeats the excuse, the more overwhelm they tend to create. The situation is still there. The decision still has to be made. The action still has to be taken. The body still carries the stress.
That is why catching the excuse matters.
When you can catch yourself in the excuse, you begin to create a pause. That pause gives you a chance to notice what is really happening. Over time, the pause becomes the place where change can happen.
You are no longer just repeating the pattern.
You are observing it.
That is where the shift begins.
Start by Exploring the Issue
When a client brings an excuse into a session, the first thing we do is explore the issue.
Is it really an issue, or has the mind made it into one?
That question alone can create space.
Sometimes the situation is very real and needs attention. Other times, the mind has created a bigger story around it, and the person is now reacting to the story instead of the actual situation.
From there, we look at the habit pattern.
How often does this feeling come up? When was the last time it happened? How did they handle it? What did they say to themselves? What did they do next?
It is easy to tell someone, “You are capable,” but when they are in the middle of the pattern, they may not be able to see that.
They need to be seen, heard, and held in the energy of respect.
That matters.
People do not usually shift because someone lectures them. They shift when they feel safe enough to tell the truth, look at the pattern, and choose differently. If you are ready to explore that kind of support in a guided setting, you can view my current workshops and events to see what is coming up next.
Look for the False Identity Underneath the Excuse
In my work, I often look for the belief or False Identity underneath the excuse.
A False Identity is the meaning someone has taken on as truth, even though it may not be who they really are.
For example, a person may believe:
- I am responsible for everyone.
- If something goes wrong, it is my fault.
- I have to be in control to be safe.
- I cannot rest until everyone else is okay.
- I should be able to handle this alone.
These beliefs usually do not appear out of nowhere. They often began much earlier in life.
So we look at the events of the past. We look at the common themes. We look at where control, safety, blame, responsibility, or guilt entered the person’s life.
The excuse is not just about today.
It is often connected to an old survival pattern that is still trying to protect them.
Once we are grounded and centered, we can explore action steps from where they are today, not from where they think they “should” be.
That is important.
Real action has to come from the truth of where you are now.
A Common Pattern I See With Caregivers
One of the most common examples I see is the woman who has become the caregiver for everyone.
She may be taking care of an elderly parent, an adult child with health issues or mental health needs, and possibly a spouse who is also struggling. She is overwhelmed by the “have to,” “supposed to,” and “should” that run through her day.
She knows she needs time for herself, but she does not take it.
Not because she does not understand self-care.
Not because she does not want rest.
But because somewhere inside, she believes that if something happens while she is caring for herself, it will be her fault.
That belief can be very strong.
Many women in this pattern have been caregivers most of their lives. They may have even chosen careers in caregiving. They know how to manage, hold, anticipate, fix, and respond to everyone else’s needs.
But they often do not know how to be separate from the caregiving role.
When we explore the pattern, we may find that it started in childhood. Maybe they felt they had to take care of a parent emotionally, physically, or energetically. Maybe taking care of that parent felt connected to their own safety and survival.
So now, as an adult, they are still living from that old role.
They are no longer just a daughter, wife, mother, or partner.
They have become the caregiver in every direction.
And those are very different ways of relating to someone.
There is a difference between being a daughter and being the full-time emotional manager for a parent. There is a difference between being a spouse and becoming the only person responsible for another adult’s well-being. There is a difference between loving someone and carrying the belief that everything is your fault if you stop for one moment.
In session, we talk about that.
We talk about how it felt back then. We talk about how it is impacting life now. We look at what it is doing to their health, their energy, their body, their relationships, and their sense of self.
We also explore other options for support.
Not because they have to abandon anyone, but because they need to stop abandoning themselves.
Results Begin With Awareness
For many people, the first result is not a massive external change.
It is awareness.
It is catching themselves in the act of repeating the pattern.
That is a result.
They notice the shoulders rising. They notice the breath changing. They notice the old language coming in. They notice the “have to” before it takes over the whole day.
Then they interrupt the pattern.
They pause.
They breathe.
They think a better feeling thought.
They choose one different action.
That may not sound dramatic, but it is powerful. A pattern that has been running for decades does not always change in one moment. But the moment you notice it, you are no longer fully inside of it.
You are observing it.
And once you observe it, you can begin to work with it.
The Body Tells the Truth Before the Mind Does
If you want to stop making excuses and start getting results, begin by becoming an observer of yourself.
When the excuse comes up, do not rush to believe it. Do not rush to judge it either.
Pause and check in with your body.
Notice your shoulders. Notice your jaw. Notice your breath. Notice whether your body is leaning forward, pulling back, tightening, or collapsing.
Your body will often tell you what the excuse is protecting.
If your body tightens, there may be fear.
If your body feels heavy, there may be overwhelm.
If your body feels restless, there may be pressure to fix everything right away.
If your body feels guarded, there may be an old safety pattern showing up.
This is where you begin.
Not by forcing action.
By noticing what is happening in the moment the excuse appears.
Change the Conversation in Your Mind
Once you notice the excuse, your mind needs something else to do.
The old conversation will usually keep the old pattern going. It will defend the limitation. It will explain why things cannot change. It will repeat the same story in a different way.
That is why a pattern interrupt is important.
One simple way to interrupt the pattern is to think a better feeling thought.
That does not mean pretending everything is fine. It does not mean forcing positivity. It means giving your mind a different direction.
Instead of letting the mind repeat the excuse, you give it a new conversation.
You might ask:
- What is really happening right now?
- What is my body trying to tell me?
- Is this an issue, or am I making it into one?
- What is one action I can take from where I am today?
- What would bring a little relief without abandoning myself?
These questions help move the mind from looping into observing.
And observing creates space.
Action Comes From a Grounded Place
One of the reasons people stay stuck in excuses is that they try to take action from a dysregulated place.
They are overwhelmed, tense, exhausted, or afraid, and then they expect themselves to make a clear decision.
That does not usually work.
Action is more effective when it comes from a grounded place.
That is why I bring clients back to the body, the breath, and the present moment before we talk about action steps.
Once they are more grounded, we can explore what is actually possible.
Not the perfect action.
Not the action someone else thinks they should take.
The honest action they can take from where they are today.
That action may be small. It may be a phone call. It may be asking for help. It may be setting one boundary. It may be writing down the truth. It may be noticing the pattern without acting from it.
The size of the action is not the point.
The shift is the point.
That is how a promise becomes a commitment.
How to Stop Making Excuses and Start Getting Results
Stopping excuses does not begin with willpower.
It begins with awareness.
You have to know what is happening before you can change it.
Start here:
- Notice the excuse without judging it.
- Check in with your body.
- Ask what the excuse is protecting.
- Look for the belief or old identity underneath it.
- Interrupt the pattern with a breath or better feeling thought.
- Choose one action from where you are today.
- Repeat the process when the excuse shows up again.
This is not about becoming perfect.
It is about becoming present.
The more present you are with your own patterns, the easier it becomes to choose differently.
Listen to the Full Podcast Episode
This blog post is based on my podcast episode, “Excuses or Results: You Can’t Have Both at the Same Time,” on This Life or Something Better.
In the episode, I talk more about promises, commitments, excuses, and how “try” can become an alibi when we are not fully committed to the action.
At the end of the episode, I share reflection questions to help you look at a current situation in your own life and notice how you are handling it.
Listen wherever you get your podcasts, then take the reflection questions into your journal.
Let yourself be honest.
Not harsh.
Honest.
Final Thoughts
You can have excuses, or you can have results, but you cannot have both at the same time.
The excuse is not there to shame you. It is there to show you something.
It may be showing you where you are overwhelmed. It may be showing you where an old identity is still active. It may be showing you where your body is asking for safety before action.
When you stop judging the excuse and start observing it, you create a new possibility.
You can interrupt the pattern.
You can think a better feeling thought.
You can take one honest action.
And that is how you begin moving from excuses to results.